He was fast reaching super-saturated.
In an effort to get him to squeeze out a little more study time, I told him to quiz me.
You know because I am a pro at Social Studies.
TS: Who were the Daughters of Liberty?
Me: They were like the Sons of Liberty. Except they had vaginas.
TS: Mom! That is gross.
Me: Maybe, but I’m pretty sure I’m right.
TS: Tell me about the Minutemen.
Me: They did everything really fast.
TS: What were the Intolerable Acts?
Me: Doing dishes and laundry; going to the grocery store; and wiping butts.
Me: Oooh! You’re right. I forgot cleaning up barf.
TS: Why did the fighting start at Lexington?
Me: Because people were really mad.
TS: Who was Thomas Paine?
Me: A guy who isn’t important because he lived a long time ago and now he is dead.
TS: He wrote Common Sense!
Me: Alas, if only sense was really that common.
TS: What led to the Battle of Bunker Hill?
Me: Boredom. Some guys were all: “I’m bored. Let’s go pick a fight over there with those guys.” You know, some guys are like that.
Tech Support laughed, “Do you want me to fail?”
“No,” I said. “I just want you to study independently.”
Tech Support grinned and closed his book.
“But just so we are clear,” I added as he stuck his folder in his backpack. “I did know all those answers. I know all about American History: the Declaration of Independence, the Tea Party, Paul Revere… I was just messing with you.”
My son laughed at me. “Yeah, right.”
I was affronted.
“Fine, ask me anything.”
TS: Who was Ethan Allen?
Me: A dude who made really expensive furniture.
My son ignored me and walked upstairs to brush his teeth.
Some day when he is looking to buy a hutch for his kitchen, he’ll realize his mother wasn’t totally bonkers.
How’s your John Hancock? What completely innocent things from history can you make sound completely naughty? How do you help your kids study for exams?
Renée Schuls-Jacobson, a teacher for 20 years, loves being in the classroom, finds her students endlessly fascinating, and believes the most important thing we can do is teach folks to read critically and write masterfully. Her family and her students keep her humble and serve to remind her that, even on a good day, she's still a total twit.
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