The Post About the Downer of Being Knocked Up

Luckily, I'm not pregnant. This is positive because I'm not married or financially stable or completely comfortable with others needing to be held by me.

However, if you could get preggers by osmosis, then I'm the next deca-mom. I have three baby shower invitations stuck to my fridge. I have 4 friends on Facebook who just delivered newborns in the last week. One college roommate has birthed 2 babies in 14 months and the other is expecting her first nugget in 28 days. I'm surrounded.

For some women, the presence of infants in or outside the womb prompts spontaneous ovulation. Not me. I tend to calculate how long I can hold my breath until my uterus is a safe distance away. Strangely, I'm actually good with kids of all ages and they tend to be rather fond of me (having facial features similar to a cartoon character only amplifies affection). But I think my apathy about my own offspring is simply because I was meant to be the snazziest aunt and fairy godmother ever. Or at the very least, I've yet to meet the guy who gets my eggs to scramblin'.


  1. "I have yet to meet the guy who gets my eggs to scramblin'."

    Best. Line. If not ever then at least within the past several days.

  2. I agree with Joseph. I was just about to comment on that. That was priceless.

  3. In my humble opinion, you talk about your uterus FAR FAR too often. Just sayin'

  4. J/K: Thank you for the compliments in sentence structure.

    K: My uterus preoccupies my mind FAR FAR too often. So we're on the same page - sorta.

  5. Please don't ever make me read a post about your uterus, eggs, or ovulation, ever again. Your "season" just might turn into a "reason".

  6. "having facial features similar to a cartoon character only amplifies affection" I think was the funniest thing ever.

  7. I agree with Jill. I actually scrolled upwards to take a good look at your profile pic. :-)

  8. C: I make no promises about future posts.

    TS/TAF: My head is a perfect target for an anvil.


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