The Post About How My Muffin Top Ruins Everything

In February, I started running.

And by "running" I mean moving at a mild pace of 4.0 miles per hour. Short legs get no mercy.

I was working on my bucket list task of completing a 5K race. I wasn't thrilled on any level. But I knew if I committed, then I'd feel really bad when I quit. And guilt is a delightful Southern Baptist motivator.

Runner friends assured me I would "love it." Something about endorphins and feeling invincible and burning 1100 calories a mile.

You know what else I've been told I would "love?" Oysters. Sunrises. R. Kelly. Flourless bread. All somewhat overrated.

Five weeks later and running had made no friends here. I would run 10 minutes or 60 minutes or downhill or uphill or in the air conditioning or next to a lake or next to hot guys lifting weights. I never enjoyed a moment of it.

But I was committed. Until this week. 

After seeing my general practitioner for a check-up, we had the following email exchange:

Dr: Did you mention at your appointment that you're running a 5K?

Me: Yep. In 5 weeks.

Dr: I don't think you should run at all until you've lost 25 more pounds. I advise all patients to avoid running when they're overweight because of the impact pressure placed on the joints, particularly the knees. That extra 25 pounds equals 100 pounds of pressure. Your joints will suffer irreparable damage.

Me: Did you just tell me I'm too fat to run?

Dr: Jamie! I would never say that! You're too overweight to run.

I ran that proclamation by a trainer at the gym and she agreed. They both suggested I find lower impact exercises such as walking, aerobics, swimming, biking, or the elliptical to lose weight. 

However, you and I both know that too overweight to run is probably too overweight for a itty bitty bike seat.

{image: Jamie}

Note: I laid on the ground to get the above picture which isn't exactly Christmas morning on the knees. So I'm probably too "overweight" to be a photographer.


  1. Oh, Jamie! Not only do I adore you and your wit, I relate. I am "to overweight" for alot of things. I got myself a bike last year....and I also paid extra for a "Fat Bottom Girls" seat. Maybe I'll "run into you" at the Mexican restaurant ;) HUgs!

  2. LoB: Oooh...I want a Fat Bottom Girls seat! I also want a basket, streamers, and a personalized plate.

  3. The physics of the Fat Bottom Girls seat cannot be disputed.

    People who talk about runners high annoy me. As do people who run for no other reason than to run. I have never passed a person running down the road in my car that looked happy. They looked like they were in pain. The runners high my fat bottom. I've been high. And I've run a long way. That's not high. That's tired. And they shouldn't be allowed to run on the roads. My gas tank is full of gas that is helping to pay for those roads. There should be a runners tax. I need to stop now.

  4. J: I'm glad we can agree on something Joseph. Probably to the detriment of our health.

  5. A doctor's order not to run ... man, where do I get one of those?

  6. Mer: You need to put on about 50 lbs and then I can hook you up.

  7. Just discovered your blog... and all I can say is, I can totally relate!

  8. T: Welcome to the Rabbits! Just checked out Necessary Pleasure - I adore yummy foodie blogs!

  9. Wow. That doc ain't so nice. But I wouldn't mind a doctor's order like that - it'd take away all of my non-running guilt!

  10. R: Gain 15lbs and consider your guilt a distant memory :-)

  11. My huband and I have a policy on running... we don't do it unless someone is chasing us. I think It's a good policy. I have considered a 5K just to say I've done it. Truthfully, I hate to run with all of my heart. So, I bought an elliptical. I've stumbled on something amazing. I've been reading whilst elliptifying myself.I love to read. I've lost 18 pounds without feeling like I've worked for it.

  12. S: Shut. Up. You've just shared the most fabulous news - no running and reading while losing weight. I will now be an ellipticaler.

  13. I once had some friends tell me I was too sober to karaoke.  Is that similar?  'Cause I think it is.  Where'd I put my Guinness?

  14. It's exactly like that. Even more things we have in common.


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