Aren't they adorable? A nice balance of generic and Whole Foods elitist.
Unfortunately, they're destroying me from the inside out.
You see, the gall bladder is a small organ that helps you digest fat. Some people may put more pressure on that organ than others. Particular when eating Mexican food or at Arby's.
Sidebar: The Chicken Bacon & Swiss is the best sandwich ev-uh.
If you continually use your gall bladder as a whipping boy, it will conjure up little magic stones to curse your evenings. Unless of course you think 3am browsing sessions at WebMD are good times.
The factors increasing your risk of gall bladder mutiny are:
- Female: Stupid Eve.
- Fertile: Stupid Cain, Abel, et al.
- Forty: Stupid aging.
- Fat: Stupid muffin top.
- Family: First, there was the being short and affection for elastic. Now this. High five Mom.
- Fair: Being Caucasian is not your friend here. We also age badly.
A visit to the doctor's office yesterday led to an ultrasound appointment and a list of things I should and should not be eating to avoid surgery.
1. Fiber: Nurse suggested high fiber cereals, none of which were Cookie Crisp or Cap'n Crunch.
2. Omega 3: Nurse suggested grilling fish at home. She lost me at touching a fish.
3. Vitamin C: Nurse suggested juices, which is not milk. Uh oh.
I'm looking for pills that can serve as worthy substitutes for that list.
1. Cow's Milk and all its phenomenal derivatives: I immediately began rocking back and forth and muttering lines from Rain Main. Hello...what's the creepy Kashi supposed to float in?
2. Sugar: I might have started to pull my own hair.
3. Radishes, Turnips, Cabbage, Broccoli, and Cauliflower: That's exactly like my doctor telling me I'm too fat to run. Fine by me.
Upon calling my Mom to detail my doctor's visit and ask where she'd like me to have the Thank-You-For-The-Heredity hydrangeas delivered, this conversation ensued:
Mom: Honey, I've been meaning to mention something. You should consider this online dating site I've been hearing about.
Me: So...when you hear I may be dying, even just figuratively because of the ban on cow's milk, your first thought is "find a husband?"
Mom: You'll need someone to take care of you. And help you pick out a tombstone.
So what you? What seems to be ailing you? Or better yet, what fiber cereals includes a cartoon character?