5.23.2011

The Post About Being in a Fight With My Gall Bladder

Dairy
Aren't they adorable? A nice balance of generic and Whole Foods elitist.

Unfortunately, they're destroying me from the inside out.

You see, the gall bladder is a small organ that helps you digest fat. Some people may put more pressure on that organ than others. Particular when eating Mexican food or at Arby's. 

Sidebar: The Chicken Bacon & Swiss is the best sandwich ev-uh.

If you continually use your gall bladder as a whipping boy, it will conjure up little magic stones to curse your evenings. Unless of course you think 3am browsing sessions at WebMD are good times.
The factors increasing your risk of gall bladder mutiny are: 
  • Female: Stupid Eve.
  • Fertile: Stupid Cain, Abel, et al.
  • Forty: Stupid aging.
  • Fat: Stupid muffin top.
  • Family: First, there was the being short and affection for elastic. Now this. High five Mom.
  • Fair: Being Caucasian is not your friend here. We also age badly.
A visit to the doctor's office yesterday led to an ultrasound appointment and a list of things I should and should not be eating to avoid surgery.

Should:
1. Fiber: Nurse suggested high fiber cereals, none of which were Cookie Crisp or Cap'n Crunch.
2. Omega 3: Nurse suggested grilling fish at home. She lost me at touching a fish.
3. Vitamin C: Nurse suggested juices, which is not milk. Uh oh.
I'm looking for pills that can serve as worthy substitutes for that list.

Should Not:
1. Cow's Milk and all its phenomenal derivatives: I immediately began rocking back and forth and muttering lines from Rain Main. Hello...what's the creepy Kashi supposed to float in?
2. Sugar: I might have started to pull my own hair.
Silver lining...
3. Radishes, Turnips, Cabbage, Broccoli, and Cauliflower: That's exactly like my doctor telling me I'm too fat to run. Fine by me. 

Upon calling my Mom to detail my doctor's visit and ask where she'd like me to have the Thank-You-For-The-Heredity hydrangeas delivered, this conversation ensued:

Mom: Honey, I've been meaning to mention something. You should consider this online dating site I've been hearing about.

Me: So...when you hear I may be dying, even just figuratively because of the ban on cow's milk,  your first thought is "find a husband?"

Mom: You'll need someone to take care of you. And help you pick out a tombstone.

So what you? What seems to be ailing you? Or better yet, what fiber cereals includes a cartoon character?

{image: Jamie}

20 comments:

  1. hahaha I love this! I had my gal bladder out last year... thank god the doctors found out what your issue is! It took them 8 months to figure out what was wrong with me (all while vomitting 25 times a day haha) Good luck with yours :) If you end up having to have it removed- it is much better after :) :) -Stevie 

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  2. Seriously. I had some gall bladder issues not too long ago, and also found out I have what is called "non-alcoholic fatty liver disease" which basically means the same thing - cut back on the milk, add fiber, lots of omega-3 (I like fish, but it does not taste as good as the sandwich you referenced, which I must agree is probably one of the best sandwiches ever.)

    Kashi cereal is okay, but they also don't make Cocoa Pebbles. Insert pout here.

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  3. Samantha GranadeMay 23, 2011 at 9:49 AM

    Well it sounds like my pancreas and your gall bladder decided at the same time that they just weren't having it anymore. It's hard to change your diet when you're a hardcore foodie - but, speaking from experience it can definitely be done. Brightside: At least you found out early - before it got worse and surgery was your only option!

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  4. Michelle WoodmanMay 23, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    LOL!  Aren't moms ever-so-practical? 

    What's ailing me is an extreme love of carbs.  Urgh.  Not causing gall stones, mind you, but I think that's the cue for all the little elves to come  and to start shrinking my clothes . . .

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  5. Yuck - I'm quite the pain avoider so I don't know what I'd do if it lasted 8 months - you're a trooper!

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  6. I'm headed straight to Kashi's website to recommend all the cereals I'd like them to adapt. Starting with Fruit Loops.

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  7. I'm definitely anti-lasering-my-insides so I'll do what it takes. The pancreas is a much bigger diva so you're working harder than I will be...

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  8.  Those elves are pesky devils. They also hide my keys in the AM.

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  9. I had mine removed when I was in my mid-20s. The pain definitely went away, but I developed another set of GI problems. Not painful ones, just "other" ones. Still, much better than the pain! And I eat whatever I want ... although it would be kind of nice if I HAD to give up sweets.  ;) 

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  10.  Thank you for that post-surgery highlight. I've heard that from several folks. I like the mystery of "other."

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  11.  "Other" side effects of post-surgery = stock up on Immodium. You'll never know when you'll need it. I had mine out about 13 years ago. The "other" subsides as time goes on, and it seriously beats the pain!

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  12. Boo. My goal is no pain and no surgery. So if Kashi can make that happen, then I'll do it. Especially if Kashi can come out with a line of Pop Tarts.

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  13. I know they said "sugar"...but did they specifically say "chocolate" or "peanut butter" or maybe a combination of the two?  If not, I'm good! 

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  14. Nuts good. Chocolate bad.

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  15. I had my gall bladder out a couple years ago.  Apparently, pregnancy can also cause huge and numerous gall stones.  And really, the surgery wasn't so bad.  The first couple days were awful, but after that I was fine.  Oh - except that my body started immediately dismissing any and all fatty or greasy foods - somewhat like those chips a few years ago that sprinted through your body?  But my body even got used to that and I no longer have any lack-of-gall-bladder complications. Not that I'd ever give a surgery a "two thumbs up", but I'd at least give this one a pinky-finger-up.

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  16. Oh you made me laugh today. :-) So sorry about your gall bladder problems. :-( I hope you find the supplements you need to make this easier. Cracking up that your mom thought a husband would make it all better. :-)

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  17. Babies seem to bring the hammer down on your insides. However, I will accept your pinky peace offering :-)

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  18. I read your post and I plan to comment there - but there could be no better than compliment than being able to make you laugh today :-)

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  19. I think gall bladder surgery is pretty minimally invasive, so I think I might binge on the milk, get it taken out and move on. But you should be warned that I know nothing of medicine, you probably shouldn't take my advice, and I don't want to be held responsible for anything that happens. ;) 

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  20. And you're growing a human and having it at home :-) I just hate that someone has to pay a ton of money for the surgery (even though technically it's Blue Cross Blue Shield).

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