The Post About Teens and Tiaras

Oldest niece. Pageant niece. Both adorable.

My middle niece participated in a beauty pageant this weekend. I'm always torn. Do you adore your gorgeous family member and simply ignore the discomfort you feel as each young woman parades by?

No.

You shower your beautiful niece with praise AND revel in the awkwardness of the competition by live tweeting it. The following includes actual quotes from the interview portion of the pageant.

At my niece's beauty pageant. Her listed hobbies are eating, Netflix & Tumblr. So...she's already a winner.
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

Is it wrong to hope I've been a positive influence?

Contestant: My favorite book is "Divergent" because I'm adventurous and it was full of adventure. #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

This is not completely illogical.

Contestant: "If I could go anywhere in the world, I'd pick Cinderella's castle in FL." Well done Disney. You beat the planet. #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

Geography is obviously no longer a priority in today's schools.

Contestant: My favorite book is Hunger Games because I saw the movie and it was really awesome so I read the book. #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

Suzanne Collins should have to pay the movie producers a royalty.

Contestant: If I could go anywhere in the world, I'd go to Maui because of the vastly different culture. #notonthemainland #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

I've been to Hawaii. No.

Contestant: My favorite book is "Safe Haven" because it teaches it's important to get to know someone before you marry them. #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

Nicholas Sparks is making it rain with life lessons.

Contestant: If I could go anywhere in the world, I'd go to Ireland so I could have the Irish experience. #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

Can we all agree that the "Irish Experience" is probably heavy drinking and throwing punches?

Contestant: My favorite novel is Vampire Kisses because a girl falls in love with a guy who lives in a mansion. #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

The most honest answer of the night.

Contestant: If I could go anywhere in the world I wouldn't. I'd stay in Corner, Alabama. #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

I grew up in Corner. It's not a shabby place, but it's no Cinderella's Castle.

Contestant: My favorite book is "Night" because it's about the Holocaust and that's interesting. #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

My friend Erin Moon commented "Night is good, but is it anyone's FAVORITE book?"

Contestant: My favorite book is The Great Gatsby because it shows you the past in an interesting way. #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

If TGG was historically accurate, then Gatsby would have been taken out in the 3rd chapter for overuse of the phrase "Old Sport."

My Mom: That young woman seems like the she's high. What do you think she's on? How expensive do you think it is? #beautypageant
— Jamie Golden (@JamiesRabbits) January 26, 2014

My mom is a secretary at a southern baptist church. Context.

Where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world?