The Post About Aunt Flow Apologies

As I've mentioned before, we're walking through the book of Genesis in my weekly Bible study (31 chapters in...) I thought I would do a recap of some things we've learned so far:

1. Women were very attractive even into their 80's and later. This is why their husbands would pretend the women were their sisters. This prevented the "other" men who clearly couldn't control themselves around these hot mamas from killing the "man of the house." In reality, they weren't brother and sister - more like, half-brother and sister or cousins. That's much better.

2. Babies were often named after something significant related to the circumstance of their birth. For example, Jacob (son of Isaac and Rebekah) has a name similar to the Hebrew word for "heel" because he was holding his twin brother's foot upon exiting the womb. If my parents had employed this method, I would have been named Melonheada.

3. Stealing something from a family member never works out well. If you did attempt this, you needed to leave home immediately and only return when you could provide 100 sheep or a water well named in their honor as a peace offering. The exception to this rule was Rachel (wife to Jacob). She stole her father's household idols and hid them in her riding saddle. When he began the search, she apologized for not being able to rise from the camel because she was "in a woman way." It's good to know this special monthly arrival has been a go-to excuse for women for thousands of years. I knew it.

I've also been reminded that God is slow to anger when His children are putzes. I'm a regular recipient of this mercy.


  1. By the title, I thought this was another post about your uterus. Thank you for heeding my warning.

  2. I have known for a while that some ladies use poor Aunt Flo as an excuse for crabbiness (or worse). One day the gig will be up. By the way I should not have to put the seat down. You have two arms.

  3. Auh..Good ole Aunt Flo...She has to be one of the most unwelcomed relatives we have. I commend you ladies for putting up with her for all these years. As far as Genesis goes I agree with your recap, just wait till you get to the incest, polygamy and family betrayal. One of the funniest stories for me was when Noah got drunk and his youngest Son (Ham) told his brothers that he had passed out and was naked. Now how many of us wouldn’t have done the same thing? I think Noah was a little harsh in punishing Ham. Oh well I am rambling now but I wonder if that’s where the expression being a “Ham” came from?
    Good post Jamie….

  4. Joseph: But you use the toilet the same way I do, but I never use it like you do. Nailed it.

    Chris: Next week is rape, circumcision gone bad and selling a sibling into slavery. Good times.

  5. Jamie,
    I'm glad you clarified your statement a little because I would have knocked that one back at your face.

    Why don't we just agree on this. If you come to a toilet where the seat is down, when you finish put the seat back up. When I go into a bathroom, when I finish I will leave the seat up. I think we can both agree this would be the easiest thing.

    And about Genesis. Those people were screwed up. Good thing we have evolved past things like slavery, sibling rivalry, rape, and circumcision as a weapon. Well, 1 out of 4 ain't bad.


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