The Post About An Eye for an Eye

I have tragic vision. Can't-make-out-the-E-at-the-top-of-the-chart vision. This weekend, I was popping out my right contact and failed to account for how dry my eye was. (High levels of MSG combined with one less hour of sleep.) Even upon meeting resistance, I kept tugging and found myself with only part of the lens when all was said and done. But I'm a trooper. I'm on day four of wearing ripped eyewear.

As I recounted this story to my friend Caryann, she explained my poor choice could cause damage to my cornea and literally "put my eye out." I immediately poo pooed that idea and reminded her I could always get a cornea from an organ donor (It's important to have a Plan B.) She supported me by pointing out the purchase could be made on
Craig's List - even encouraging me further by noting I could buy a cornea/kidney combo. She's a good friend.

Of course, I told her the whole thing was hogwash and my eye would be fine. Here's how the conversation played out:
Jamie: Nuh-uh. That's not gonna happen.
Caryann: Hasn't your eye doctor ever told you about the risk of wearing a torn contact?
Jamie: The only thing an eye doctor has ever told me is "Ma'am, you'll need to move to that side of the shop to pick out glasses. Your head's a bit big for a regular pair."

Thank you Lenscrafters.


  1. Never stop posting Jamie. I laugh hysterically every day when I read your posts. They really put a smile on my face and get me started on the right foot.

  2. If you're sweet, I'll buy you a cornea/kidney for your 34th birthday this year.

  3. Take it free someone who has the vision of a drunk, one-eyed dog when I'm not wearing corrective lenses, it wil hurt your eye. And it's probably more expensive to buy a cornea/kidney than it would to just buy new contacts.

  4. *from...stupid predictive text.


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