The Post About Being Forsaken in Your Mid-Thirties

My friend Caryann turns 34 today.

Guess who she is...

Caryann prom copy
Think...date in matching tux and small mammal on her head.

I really am quite fond of her.

That fondness has only increased now that she's joined me in the mid-thirties.

This means certain things:

Your skin will forsake you.
It will now crease and sag and splotch in ways you couldn't have imagined. And yet, you'll still have acne comparable to that of a 14-year-old rubbing peanut oil on her face.

Men will forsake you.
Up until now, men your age would date you. No more. They are now dating women 5-10 years younger. And that gap will only continue to grow. So now, start looking for single Dads at high school graduations.

Your diet will forsake you.
Remember when you could eat 4 slices of meat-lovers pizza, chase it with a milkshake and still be ready for bathing suit season? Now, you can down that same meal, but you'll need to chase it with Tums, a nap and an elastic waistband.

There is a bright side.

You're better at some things:

  • Managing money.
  • Thinking before speaking.
  • Driving.
  • Going with the flow.
  • Not wearing words on your bottom.

Plus, at my church - you're still grouped with the "cool people."

Of course, if you're not married or don't have children, the feeling of failure is swift

Happy Birthday.

{images: someone's Mom / Jamie}


  1. Hillarious!!!!! I am glad I am still in the cool group for the moment!!!!

  2. And I thought post-menopausal was the new "cool" group! Don't kid yourself, you both are still so young it makes me ache to be your age again. Enjoy each year as it comes. Love ya

  3. SL: Doesn't it feel good to be cool? And to be able to touch your toes?

    Mom: You're much cooler than us :-)

  4. I second that - Jamie's mom, you are much cooler than us :o) Hugs!!!


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