The Post About My Failures At Feelings

When tragedy strikes, I may not be the person you want in your feelings bunker.

In the DISC personality profile, I'm a high "I." This means I:

• may be limited by being impulsive and disorganized and having lack of follow-through
• am described as convincing, magnetic, enthusiastic, and optimistic
• prioritize taking action, collaboration, and expressing enthusiasm

In the Enneagram profile I'm a high "7." My key motivations are:

• to maintain my freedom and happiness
• to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences
• to keep myself excited and occupied
• to avoid and discharge pain

So when moments of sadness weigh heavy, my instinct is to treat it like a virus that must be contained.

I will nurse your sorrow with any number of medicines: laughter, optimism, carbs. Letting someone just sit with the heartache is difficult. I want to fix. I want to reframe. I want to be happy.

However, sometimes we need to wade in our grief. We need to let those we love leave the shore of bright sides and glasses half full and allow them to feel all the feelings.

Our job becomes being present and being willing. Willing to laugh, willing to be optimistic, and willing to eat cake - whatever's needed in being present.

There are so many examples in the book of Psalms of the writer starting out with raised fists and ending with open hands.

Chapter 13 is my favorite:

1 How long will you forget me, Lord? Forever? How long will you look the other way when I am in need? 2 How long must I be hiding daily anguish in my heart? How long shall my enemy have the upper hand? 3 Answer me, O Lord my God; give me light in my darkness lest I die. 4 Don’t let my enemies say, “We have conquered him!” Don’t let them gloat that I am down. 5 But I will always trust in you and in your mercy and shall rejoice in your salvation. 6 I will sing to the Lord because he has blessed me so richly.

I want to be the kind of friend who can sit beside someone as they point fingers in verses 1 through 4 and just let them point.

Then we can find our way to verses 5 and 6. Slowly, but surely.

How do you help folks through difficulty? 

{image: Jamie (depressing, huh?)}