2.01.2011

The Post About Blogging Again Due to a Boy in Toms

Hi.

I had a birthday on November 5. This was the date my blog flatlined.


It may be related to a little mid-life shindig where calm and mature self-reflection morphed into yelling at God and my friends and the ladies of The View.


WHY AM I NOT MARRIED?


WHAT IS THAT BLASTED TICKING SOUND?


WHY IS MY HAIR NO LONGER SHINY?

Seriously, what's a girl got to do to maintain some Kelly Kapowski hair?


I'll share a little more about the Rabbits being dead in the water tomorrow. I promise.

So what brought me out of this funk? It's all about a boy in skinny jeans and Toms. Let me share...


This morning, I went to Samford University, for work. For reference sake, SU is a religiously-affiliated institution.

As I drove around the gorgeous campus, I was transported to a time several years ago when I hit a boy in khakis & a polo because my laser vision had locked on an available parking spot and not the road. He was fine, so good times.

Today, as I drove 15 mph, I noticed a boy chatting with a girl in an adjacent parking lot 100 feet away. He started running. Fast.

In the next 4.5 seconds, I imagined hitting him with my car. Not in a vindictive way, but simply because it might be unavoidable. Plus, I had the right of way - no crosswalk, no stop sign. Then I thought of the wisdom of Evelyn Couch who, in a similar situation, responded "I'm older and I have more insurance."

But then he stopped running.

No collision, right?

But he started running again.

And he tripped and made out with the sidewalk. I slammed on my brakes and swerved right into a road sign.

Here's the transcript of what followed:
Me:
Are you okay?

Him:
Dude, you almost hit me with your car?"

- - This may have been when the director asked me to lose my marbles - -

Me:
DUDE, YOU RAN OUT IN FRONT OF ME!!!

Him:
I was late for Econ and I thought I could make it.

- - And then I saw them - -

Me:
Dude, you CAN'T RUN in Toms. That's why the kids in AFRICA don't even want them!!!

- - I realize I'm acting like a crazy person - -

Me:
Let's start over. My name is Jamie.

Him:
Hi. My name is Peter.

- - Apparently, I wasn't emotionally prepared to start over. - -

Me:
You're kidding, right? Of course, you're Peter.

Peter:
Huh?

Me:
You know, doofus disciple who did stupid things before thinking?

Peter:
Dude, Peter was awesome.

Me:
Well, this was your equivalent of trying to walk on water.

God may be trying to rid the earth of guys wearing women's jeans and plaid shirts.

Be forewarned.