The Post About Jamie Desperately Seeking Jamie

These pretty people got married this month.

Do you know how they met?

It's a multiple choice question.

a. They were classmates in Psychology 101 at college.
b. They shared a cubicle at their bank job.
c. They sat on the same pew during a revival service.
d. The girl, named Kelly Hildebrandt, looked up her own name on Facebook and met the boy, named Kelly Hildebrandt.

And then they fell in love.

What about these pretty people who are now allegedly dating.

They're named Taylor.

They'll probably birth babies who wear Chuck Taylors and play Taylor guitars and live happily ever after in Taylor, Texas.

Do you know a handsome, smart, funny and single guy named Jamie B. Golden?

I'm on the prowl.

The Post About How Swedish Fish Stink

I have Halloween candy on the brain.

And on the hips.

But let me should you what I'm not tempted by this week:

--previously posted October 28, 2008--

Trick-or-treating is not for the faint of heart. Great risks of embarrassment and dog attacks and neighbors refusing to open the door do not always reap great rewards. Here are what I believe to be the worst deposits to your pumpkin...

Swedish Fish
Swim back to your Scandinavian homeland - you disgusting red concoction. Also, the tagline to this unfortunate candy is "A friend you can eat." Umm...what?


Smarties
I am always surprised by how many people love smarties. Especially since they taste like chalk. It is the poor-man's sweet tart and I choose to live rich.


Tootsie Rolls
This is not chocolate. You can tell yourself it is. But you should check your pants, because they are probably on fire.


Peanut Butter Wax Candy
You know these, right? The chewy and what seemed to be expired candy in the wax wrappers. I Googled and could not find a name for them because the creator of this nasty treat is that ashamed.


Pennies

Technically not a candy, but I don't even like to find these in my couch. There is a reason the saying is "turn up like a bad penny." Because pennies are bad.

Honorable Mention

Apples with razorblades in them. Actually, apples without razorblades stink too.

What do you hate to find in the bottom of your Halloween bag?

The Post About New Television Romances

My last post generated some passionate discussion about shows I was dumping from my television relationships. Let's just say most folks think Gregory deserves a second chance.

And my mother is adamant on wanting to know who Ted procreates with on How I Met Your Mother or she's bailing. I'm definitely sticking with it because it's legen -waitforit- dary.

Here are a list of brand spankin' new shows that have taken my exes' place on the TiVo timer list:

1. Glee: I'm a gleek in the best possible way. It makes me want to sing Journey songs and throw slushies at coworkers.
2. Flash Forward: I love a show I cannot understand without watching it twice and taking notes. Plus, many Lost actors can be found here. This will make my grief and loss more bearable come Spring.
3. Modern Family: Filmed in the mockumentary style I adore, this show puts the fun back in dysfunction.
4. The Good Wife: It has Carol Hathaway and Mr. Big and Logan Huntzberger and Dan Rydell. Plus, really good scripts.
5. Community: Joel McHale can do no wrong. Especially when you pair him with kooky characters comparable to Mankini and Lou from The Soup.

So bring it. What new shows do you heart that I should heart too?

The Post About The Rabbit Recommends v.41

Each weekend, I post a readable, a watchable, and a listenable of which I'm fond. You can choose what happens next. Earlier volumes can be found here.

Read

"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here." A coworker and I had a fascinating conversation this week about faith and trying to get to the basics. Her pastor tends to rely on selling Jesus when she's already signed the lease. I recommended Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It avoids controversy and there's no stomping or yelling. It's free will faith at its finest and most persuasive.

Watch


I grew up on a one-mile road with two working farms. One pasture was just next door. And I love to eat good food - particularly fresh produce. This is why I loved The Future Of Food. This intriguing documentary provides an in-depth investigation into the reality of genetically modified foods that have been filling my belly for quite some time. You can watch the whole thing in that snazzy box above.

Listen

Will I admit that I discovered MoZella's music after watching "The Hills?" Probably not. She's very Lauryn Hill and Norah Jones with a twinge of happy. This song, "Light Years Away" is one of my faves. Her newest album, "Belle Isle" dropped this past week. It's also delightful.

The Post About TV Shows With An Expiration Date

I set up season pass timers on my TiVo for all my favorite shows.

I set up one-time timers for those new shows that I'm giving a chance.

And then there's the saddest TiVo procedure.

Delete.

I had no choice. Sometimes you have to cut your losses and run.

1. Jon & Kate Plus 8: Because they went crazy. And not in a good Kardashian way.
2. The Biggest Loser: Because when I watch it, I feel like the biggest loser. And not in a good way.
3. NCIS: Because Tony and Ziva never kissed. Wait, what? This show is about crime?
4. Fringe: Because Peter and Olivia never kissed. This show is about paranomal junk? Huh.
---and the hardest habit to break--
5. House: Gregory House - I really love you. But I think we need some space. It's not you, it's me. I hope we can still be friends.

Have any shows moved off your must-see list this year?

The Post About The Rabbit Recommends v.40

Each weekend, I post a readable, a watchable, and a listenable of which I'm fond. You can choose what happens next. Earlier volumes can be found here.

Read

If you like to visit multiple blogs or websites, you might want to try subscribing to their RSS Feeds. I use Google Reader (thanks to a suggestion by Scott Crews) and subscribe to 90. All the feeds of that HUGE number empty into my easy breezy feed reader when anything new is published. No need to visit 90 websites everyday just checking to see if there is a new post about cupcakes or picture of a cowboy. On my blog, you can do this by clicking on the orange RSS symbol on the right sidebar. This will direct you through the process of setting up a free “feed reader” account.

Watch

There are lot of things great about Birmingham, Alabama. Divine food, great music venues and lots of monogramming shops. But there is a darker side to my favorite city. Robin Williams exposes it at his most recent show in the Salty 'Ham. Learn more about this dark figure of whom he speaks.

Listen

So You Think You Can Dance is already back reminding me that I actually cannot crunk. But the good news is a whole new season of discovering music that will steal my heart and my savings. JJ Heller's Your Hands was featured on a recent audition episode. I now own two of her albums.

The Post About How Using Plastic Bags Helps The Terrorists Win

Blog Action Day is an annual event held every October 15 that unites bloggers in posting about the same issue on the same day with the aim of sparking discussion around important issue. This year's topic is Climate Change.

I'm actually very interested in simply being less of an annoyance to the temporary home God created for me. So I'm sharing a previous post about how I try to do that with a new bonus tip at the end.

Originally posted April 22, 2008

The Post About Tree Huggin' and Kissin'

Today is Earth Day. I know that means different things to different folks. We could probably even start a nice and juicy political discussion, but let’s not and say we did.

I’d like to focus only on the issues of simplicity and stewardship. I’m not someone you would call simple. Maybe simple-minded at times, but I’m all about the more the merrier in my life. More shoes, more caffeine, more Tivo, more miles on the car. But the newsflash is none of my worth comes from any of those things. Perhaps if I could embrace that, I would live a simpler life. Secondly, I believe any stuff I do have is actually on loan from God so I need to value it like I value Him.

Here are my quick tips on how we all can lead simpler and stewardishy lives:
a. Avoid buying bottled water. Get a nice shiny reusable aluminum bottle and fill it to your heart’s content.
b. Wash towels only after using them more than once. Be discerning about your dirtiness.
c. Get off junk mail lists. Greendimes will help make that happen.
d. Don't pre-rinse dishes. Tests show pre-rinsing doesn't improve dishwasher cleaning, and you'll save as much as 20 gallons of water per load.

NEW TIP: Use canvas grocery bags or reuse plastic bags. The production of plastic bags requires petroleum and often natural gas, both non-renewable resources that increase our dependency on foreign suppliers (hence, the terrorists winning). An estimated 8 billion pounds of plastic bags, wraps and sacks enter the waste stream every year in the US alone, putting an unnecessary burden on our diminishing landfill space and causing air pollution if incinerated. And they take 20-1000 years to biodegrade (depending on if the sun's hittin' it right.)

Do you have tips of your own? Do you?

{image: Jamie}

P.S. Don't forget to click the button for one of your favorite neighborhood bloggers. Just in case there's confusion, that's me.

The Post About Me and Your Newlywed Needs

I've served as a bridesmaid 9 times. And I've attended at least 55 weddings.

You want me at your nuptials.

Not because of my planning skills. Or storytelling skills. Or magic on the dance floor.

It's because of this story:

I once trekked to Michigan for the wedding of my best friend's brother. All of my friends were either groomsmen or a bridesmaid. Except me. God had a plan.

Immediately after the ceremony, the groomsmen rallied around the new husband and discovered he'd forgotten an important "tool" for the wedding night of two first-timers. Someone would need to run to the drugstore, but the photographer was waiting.

All eyes fell to me.

Although I'd never purchased or even needed this particular "tool," I decided now was the time to prove my worth. Moments later, I found myself wandering around a Rite-Aid in a little black dress and 4 inch heels looking for something related to Kentucky.

A guy approached me with his vest and his nametag and his adorable face and asked "Can I help you find something?" My palms were sweating at the prospect of answering that simple question. But I took a deep breath, summoned the courage and answered "Yes. Where's the toothpaste?"

He guided me to aisle 4 and smiled at his own helpfulness. It was a beautiful smile.

But I didn't need a tube of toothpaste.

After three overwhelming minutes, I stood wavering in front of a wall of "tools." I quickly grabbed the appropriate one and headed to the front. I exhaled in a Whitney Houston way when I saw the kind and motherly cashier checking customers out.

The final hurdle was upon me.

Sensing this single purchase would draw too much attention, I added a pack of Tic Tacs to my planned purchase.

Completely logical.

I was now the next to be helped and the finish line was in sight.

And then it happened.

Kind-and-motherly was replaced with adorable-face.

I placed my tube and my Tic Tacs on the counter and waited for the laughter and the pointing and the scarlet "J."

But adorable-face only asked "You know this isn't toothpaste, right?"

The Post About The Rabbit Recommends v.39

Each weekend, I post a readable, a watchable, and a listenable of which I'm fond. You can choose what happens next. Earlier volumes can be found here.

Read

I might be biased about author Donald Miller, due to my slight juvenile crush on him. Not on him - the actual person, but on him - the idea of him. A thinker who's got a sense of humor and loves God. I look forward to never meeting him in order to preserve that possible fabrication. His newest book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, is a well written and humorous glimpse into the process of Miller transitioning his bestseller, Blue Like Jazz, to the movie screen. A Million Miles will get you to thinking about your own life story. And the possible rewrite.

Watch

Drew Barrymore was hosting SNL last night and I was reminded how much I fancy her as an actress. And Cover Girl spokesperson. My favorite flick of hers is Ever After. It's the story of Danielle, the alleged inspiration for the Grimm Brothers' tale of Cinderella, who tries to rescue a fellow servant and becomes a queen. P.S. Anjelica Huston kills it as the evil stepmother.

Listen


I still own the cassette tape soundtracks to Top Gun and Footloose. Many movies I like more than necessary can be directly attributed to the musical background of one Kenny Loggins. Those movies include Caddyshack, Caddyshack II and One Fine Day. And don't even get me started on his album Return to Pooh Corner. I am tearing up just thinking about "The Last Unicorn."

P.S. I'm still working on that second job. Although my twitching eye would indicate it's a bad idea. Click for me.

The Post About How My Body is Fighting Back

The area below my eye started twitching 6 days ago.

And has not stopped.

Here's a brief and slightly creepy confessional:


Snickers are caffeine-free, right?

Any advice would be welcome.

The Post About How Badminton Mocked Me

I miss Emory University in the fall of each year.


And then I remember.

REQUIREMENT: four courses must include Health Education before graduation.

Yes. I was required to take PE at Emory to adequately earn a Bachelor’s in Sociology and Women’s Studies.

Currently, that would cost you $1,500+ per credit hour.

I took the following:
1. Aerobics: These classes are not fun if they cost a fortune or if they’re free. Boo to the grapevine and the Charleston and my lack of coordination.

2. Tennis: No regrets. I hung posters of Pete Sampras on our dorm door and I lusted after all things K-Swiss. I had a backhand that doesn’t mince words.

3. Badminton: Since I loved tennis, this seemed like an appropriate sister sport. This is accurate if that sister was the result of two first cousins procreating. Badminton is a mean and unforgiving sport.

And that brings us to the pièce de résistance…

4. Swimming.

It didn’t matter if you had taken 132 hours of classes and a graduate course in criminology and written a senior thesis on women in prison and been a teaching assistant and learned to park in a deck with only compact car spaces.

No.

If you couldn’t consecutively swim 10 laps in an Olympic regulation pool, then…

Well, I don’t know what would have happened.

Because I did it. I may have had a mini-stroke in the process, but I did it.

Once.

{image: frankphotos}

The Post About The Importance of Fonts

I love my job.

How can you not love work that seats you at a desk with this necessary work tool:

As a result of this steady sugar supply, I can be a bit obsessive. Particularly when it comes to fonts.

I know what you're thinking. Aren't there more important things to fixate on at your job, like budgets or strategic plans or orphans finding homes?

Sure, whatever. But fonts are very important too.

Times New Roman.

Boo. You stink. I hate you.
-------------------------------------

Eager Naturalist.

Great for casual events and making parenting seem like a breeze.
-------------------------------------

Poornut.

Probably not the best name for the kid-friendly font I used for my summer camp.
-------------------------------------

Ratty Tatty.

This was the official font for my social worker conference this year - a group who can sometimes be more particular than 10-year-olds away from home and strung out on candy.

I had decided if anyone at the conference upset me that I would call them a "ratty tatty" under my breath. As a stress reliever.

Who knew that "ratty tatty" is defined by the Urban Dictionary as "when a broad is skankily slutty and everybody knows it."

Maybe I did.

{image: Jamie}

P.S. You can vote for me to become a blogger for NatureMade. That would be really nice. Super nice.

The Post About Monkey See, Monkey Bread

One of my favorite blogs ever, The Pioneer Woman, is teaching me how to cook.

Slowly, but surely.

This week, I will show you my attempt at Monkey Bread. A delicacy including two of life's treasures - butter and carbs.

This was an easy breeezy recipe. Only 5 ingredients.


Hello, lover. Oh my, there are two of you.


Brown sugar to sweeten up that delicious pool of artery stuffing.


Quartered biscuits lying in wait.


No where in the recipe instructions did it call for me to start eating these little nuggets of goodness.

Spoiler Alert: Bloating.


The remaining biscuits were drowned in the butterybrownsugary lovely. They did not struggle.


Baked and upside down. Begging to be consumed, not shared.


But I did share.

The array of platters available to me was limited. So my gambling plate made its first appearance at church.

Also, in the time it took me to turn around and grab my camera, the ravenous Christ followers were already thinking of naptime.

Pastor Ryan's Monkey Bread recipe (PDF)

{images: Jamie}

The Post About The Rabbit Recommends v.38

Each weekend, I post a readable, a watchable, and a listenable of which I'm fond. You can choose what happens next. Earlier volumes can be found here.

Read

I recently saw a trailer for Amelia which hits the theaters on October 23. Although I'm not a card-carrying member of the Hilary Swank-y club, I adore the history of Ms. Earhart. Since I'm always on the hunt for a good sequel, I Was Amelia Earhart by Jane Mendelsohn hit just the spot. This short novel packs quite a punch as it weaves fact and fiction in the "what happened next" after Amelia and her navigator disappeared somewhere over the Pacific Ocean during their attempt to fly around the world. I don't care if it's pretend. I am choosing to believe.

Watch

I'm going to be straight with you right out of the gate. This may only be hilarious to me. I heart Ricky Gervais.

Listen

I've already recommended the television show Glee in the RR, but the music deserves a mention in this section as well. I joined my high school choir after dropping Calculus my senior year (already had the college scholarships, so functions were no longer required in my limited perspective.) I wish we had been a show choir. Without the matching outfits. Enjoy this unique and fabulous version of Queen's Somebody to Love.

The Post About Being Southern and Aging Rapidly

My Mom and I recently attended a Southern Show. These exhibitor events take place all over the South, as well as in the honorary Southern cities of Cleveland and Novi, Michigan.

These multi-day samplaloozas force you to face the sources of your greatest fears and greatest joys:

• Weight
• Aging
• Health
• Fashion
• Food

The best part of this emotional journey is the free stuff.

Thanks to my friend Jem, I'm obsessed with canvas grocery totes. So now I own 23.

There are cooking demos by great local chefs and companies where they feed you fish and teach you how to fish. And by "fish," I mean "deep fry."

If you don't have White Lily baking products where you live, you should move. Then you can make phenomenal biscuits and live closer to me. Win, win.

One sample I received is questionable:

I don't think the Naming Department at Metamucil should win any awards. Unless it's the "Most Likely to Reflect What Happens After Consumption" award. Congratulations.

The most overwhelming experience from the Southern Women's Show involved a questionnaire my mother and I completed at a health booth. After answering a series of inquiries, your "true" health age was revealed. My soon-to-be-60-year-old Mom discovered her health age was 52. Yay for Mummy!

I stepped up, completed the quiz, and was informed that I too am 52.

Oops.

{images: Jamie}